A Dragon's Sweet Sixteen
by cagimi
Summary: Being sixteen is hard for anyone, though Wendy has it extra rough. Magic battles, dark guilds, and a few sociopaths—pretty standard for Fairy Tail, but on top of all of that, Wendy now has to find her mate before Magnolia is destroyed and it's all her fault! Fluff, drama, fighting, and a lot of crude humor thanks to the older but still immature FT members. T/M for language. RoWen
1. Wendy is a Plague

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENDY!"

The guild erupted with a drunken slur of cheers and congratulations as the young sky maiden pushed through the large wooden doors. Streamers of blue and green haphazardly hung from the rafters while colored lacrima lights floated just above everyones' heads, turning the floor and ceiling into palettes of swirling colors. A huge banner for the event was stretched across the entirety of the guild hall, right above the bar where Mira continued to pass out party hats to her inebriated comrades.

"You guys..." Wendy whined as she tried, and failed, to keep herself from blushing at what she saw. Though she was no where near as shy as she was when she first joined Fairy Tail—and her "brothers" went as far as to say that she could be downright snarky—the good-natured girl still got embarrassed from lots of attention.

She should have expected it, really. For her birthday last year, the guild threw her the traditional Fairy Tail celebration, complete with over-the-top partying and a wide range of shenanigans, but this year was just something else. Wendy couldn't help but smile as she looked at the decorations and the hall itself. It had clearly taken a lot of time and manpower to move most of the tables and chairs out and to set up a large wooden dance floor in their stead. An elegant buffet was set up on long tables on either side of the hall. As her eyes passed over the decorations once again, her right eye twitched when it saw the frozen monstrosity that _someone_ had clearly plunked down in the middle of a buffet table as a decoration.

"Gray was feeling left out, so we let him help with the centerpiece," Lucy said as she walked up to the still-shocked Wendy. The older blonde let out a nervous chuckle as she added, "We didn't realize that it'd be quite so...um..."

"Tacky?" Wendy finished for her, giggling at her older brother's artistic incompetence.

Lucy's head fell back as she let out a hearty laugh. "The guys weren't kidding about how hard you are on them."

"Whatever, I'm being nice—because...I mean...damn," Wendy retorted, putting her hands on her hips as she continued to stare at what she thought looked like a pained turtle humping a blob of something...an egg maybe? An egg crossed with a jellyfish? Hell if she knew.

"Lord, you are such a teenager," Lucy chuckled. "Aesthetically-challenged ice sculptures aside, happy sweet sixteen, Wendy!" Lucy beamed at her friend, squeezing her in a tight hug. She pulled back, keeping her arms on Wendy's shoulders, and a devious grin crept across her face. "Now let's go get you ready." Wendy was suddenly spun to the side by her shoulders and pushed around the dance floor to a back room. People raised their glasses and shouted birthday greetings to her as she passed by. That's when she noticed it.

"Hey, Lucy, why is everyone so dressed up?" Wendy looked around at her guild mates, all of whom were dressed in black-tie formal attire, and more than half of whom were completely sloshed. _Nobody has spilled beer on their clothing yet. I wonder how that happened?_ Wendy thought. _Did Mira spell the cups somehow?_ She turned her head to look at Lucy. "I know it's my sweet sixteen and all, but you guys didn't have to go this far. Everyone is going to mess up their nice clothes."

"You'll see," Lucy replied, devious grin still intact. Wendy simply shrugged and turned her head to look forward again. After spending several years with the females of Fairy Tail, she knew better than to push for information when they had that look on their faces. Wendy could try, but it would be a waste of breath and only result in frustration.

_I probably don't want to know what they have planned anyways, _she mused. It was a well established fact that when the girls withheld information on their latest scheme from you, you were in for a world of teasing and/or embarrassment. And frankly, it was better not to know. The apprehension that came with knowing was way, way worse than being kept in the dark. With these girls, ignorance was more than just bliss; it was a blessing.

"I CAN TELL YOU! KEEHEE!" Cobra yelled from across the room, waving a beer stein at her. Asshole mind-readers. She'll never get used to it. Thank God she was too young to have any dirty, thus interesting, thoughts.

"ME TOO, BENDY WENDY!"

"BENDY WENDY! BENDY WENDY!"

Bixlow had one arm around Cobra as the pair swayed back and forth, coming up with new nicknames for the teenage dragon slayer for Bixlow's babies to repeat at maximum volume.

Lucy stopped and turned towards the idiot duo. She looked straight at Cobra and frowned.

_I'll tell Kinana about that thing I heard you guys talking about._

Cobra quickly shut up and sat down before reaching an arm up to pull Bixlow to a chair as well. One does not take Lucy's threats lightly.

Wendy was pondering being called "bendy" when Lucy shoved her into one of the back rooms behind the bar. When the guild won the Grand Magic Games several years back, they used their prize money to buy back their old building and added a few extra rooms on the first floor to be used as temporary bedrooms. There were a few upstairs already, but the whole purpose of the extra rooms was to keep passed-out guild members off of the floor and furniture while they slept off their fun evening. However, the stairs had proven rather challenging for most drunks, and the upstairs rooms became "random crap" rooms from the time the new guild hall was built up until the building was foreclosed. When the downstairs rooms were added, the ones upstairs were joined up and turned into an additional infirmary.

It turned out to be exactly what the guild needed, especially after Cobra joined their ranks. His participation in subduing the dragon invasion after the Grand Magic Games allowed him to be released from the Magic Council. They changed his punishment from life in prison to a 400 million jewel fine. Apparently the Magic Council had accrued some serious debt, and if Master Makarov could more-or-less handle several unruly dragon slayers, including one who had nailed three of the man's children to a tree, one more dragon slayer wouldn't faze him. If Cobra acted up, the Council would've probably sent a request to Fairy Tail to help handle him anyways, so why not just keep the convict with his potential bounty hunters? It also didn't hurt that Fairy Tail's waitress Kinana had that boy trained so bad that you could hear the whip cracking a mile away. Yes, Fairy Tail was the perfect place for this particular mage.

When Cobra first joined up, though, Natsu was less than pleased. Or so he claimed. Nobody is sure if he actually cared or if he really just wanted to fight Cobra all-out again. Most figured the latter. As soon as Cobra opened the door, Natsu pounced on him like a rabid dog and immediately started throwing flaming punches. The doors started to catch fire, causing someone to panic and shout for Gray and Juvia, both of whom shot their magic in the general direction of the entrance. Instead of hitting the doors, though, Laxus had the pleasure of being drenched with a mountain of water that subsequently froze as he ran towards the entrance to pull the idiotic fire mage off of their new comrade.

Laxus was trying harder now that he was back in the guild, which meant acting like a mature adult. Unfortunately, a damp and partially frozen Laxus was a cranky Laxus—all efforts toward acting like a grown-up went out the window when he threw a chair at Gray. Juvia had escaped to follow and put out Natsu's trail of fire, but Laxus was content with being able to hurl furniture at all. Acting mature had him seriously repressed. Gray, however, being a veteran of guild brawls, ducked just in time for the chair to smack a laughing Gajeel in the face, who then decided it was time for him to "finish" Laxus. The pair quickly resumed their on-going match, and the guild hall was just as quickly decimated.

Natsu, who later claimed that he had been "too focused," didn't notice any of what happened around him, and therefore didn't see the giant ice slick that he landed and unceremoniously face-planted on. Gray laughed hysterically at the sight, only stopping when Natsu ran his bruised head into Gray's stomach at full speed, whipped around behind him, and put the ice mage into a headlock. Throughout all of this, Cobra, pissed as all hell that he had been jumped and slightly emasculated in front of Kinana, ran after Natsu, yanked his scarf, and pulled both the fire dragon slayer and the ice mage to the floor. Erza, sadly, was away, handling Cobra's paperwork with the Council in the Master's stead, meaning that the brawl rapidly escalated past the usual semi-destructive daily fights and spilled out into the streets. More than half of the guild members joined in, and having an extra infirmary to separate Natsu and Cobra turned out to be a marvelous idea.

"Um, Wendy? You OK?" Cana was waving a hand in front of Wendy's face.

"Yeah, sorry. I was just remembering some things and zoned out a little. I guess I'm still a bit tired from my mission." It was true, she had literally just gotten back from a tedious mission only to be overwhelmed, albeit pleasantly, by a party.

"Here, drink this." Cana shoved a glass of ale in Wendy's face. "It'll perk ya right up!"

"No, Cana, booze makes most people sleepy." Erza appeared out of nowhere and pushed Wendy towards the bathroom. "What she needs is to get cleaned up and make her debut."

"My what?" Wendy frowned in confusion. She was no debutant, so what was Erza talking about?

"Shower now. Questions later. Hurry up!"

Wendy stumbled into the bathroom and quickly closed the door before squeaking out a "Yes ma'am!" Something was irritating Erza, and she really didn't want to fuel that fire.

She turned on the shower to let the water heat up, yanked off her dress and boots and was about to jump in the shower when she saw her reflection in the mirror. She sighed. She knew she was pretty—tall and slender, long, shiny blue hair that fell in soft waves to her mid back, clear skin and bright eyes—but, like every woman ever, she found herself lacking. Granted, being surrounded by women with unnaturally large chests could seriously mess with a girl's understanding of what normal women look like, but her barely-B cup breasts and overall "tube" shape seriously dug into her self esteem. To make things worse, when she cut her hair short a few months back, thinking it would be easier to take care of during missions, she looked like a boy. A hot boy, yes, judging by the number of swooning fourteen year old girls that followed her around, but a boy all the same. She wasn't rescued from her new fan club until Lucy gave her a hair-growth potion two weeks later.

_Ugh, I hope that Mira's right and that I fill out soon_, she thought to herself before getting in the shower.

Meanwhile, Erza, Lucy, Cana, Levy, and Lisanna were waiting outside the bathroom. The women were all excited, but also a little tense.

Levy was a bit more nervous than the rest. "Do you think she has any idea?"

"None. I think she even forgot it was her birthday, or else why would she have taken that mission?"

"Lucy, you're forgetting that she doesn't really know when her birthday is. She just remembers that Grandine would say she is a year older at the end of winter."

"I suppose that's true...but then why are we doing this now instead of waiting for proof? You said it would be pretty obvious, right?"

Levy sighed. She didn't want to share the full truth just yet and ruin the party, especially with Wendy and her sensitive ears in the next room.

"Wait, I'm confused. What's obvious?" Lisanna was looking at Levy and Lucy, hoping for some kind of answer.

"Yeah, I thought we were just usin' this as an excuse to dress her up pretty for lover boy," Cana giggled. Her smile faded quickly, though, when she saw the concerned expression on Levy and Erza's faces. "Erza, you know what's goin on?"

Erza sighed and folded her arms. "No, but if Levy looks that worried, I figured I should be too. Care to explain?"

All the girls were looking at Levy, who suddenly felt incredibly small. _I suppose I have no choice now._ She took a deep breathe and looked up.

"We have a little bit of a problem. Our 'little sister' is about to become a plague on the teenage male population of Magnolia."


	2. The Dragons Have Gone Weird

**A/N: Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading my first fanfiction (and the first fictional piece of writing I've written in what...8 years?). Since this is the first non-academic thing I've written in forever, any reviews will be extremely helpful! For example, while I think I'm hilarious, perhaps I'm the only one. My memory of dialogue grammar rules is a bit fuzzy (and I'm apparently too lazy to look them up right now), so bear with me as I figure them out.  
Thanks again for all of the reviews, the follows, and the favorites! I hope I continue to amuse you all.  
**

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_Previously:_

_It's Wendy's sweet sixteen, and the guild is throwing her a huge party! Lucy, Erza, Levy, Cana, and Lisanna have pulled her into a back room to help her get ready for her "debut." However, while Wendy is busy showering, Levy begins to explain the true nature of this party to the other girls.  
"We have a little bit of a problem. Our 'little sister' is about to become a plague on the teenage male population of Magnolia."_

* * *

It had never been this silent when the girls of Fairy Tail were together. Seriously. Ever.

"Uh...what?" Cana leaned in towards Levy with one eyebrow raised, as if the answer was written in small print on Levy's forehead.

Levy raised her hands to massage her temples. "Ugh, um, it's complicated. Let me start out by saying that I only figured out some of this, er, the worrisome stuff, earlier today."

"Oh, is that why you were hiding from Mira?"

"I wasn't hiding from your sister, though after seeing the guild hall I'm glad I wasn't there." The other girls simply shivered as they remembered helping the demon woman with the party preparations. "I was waiting for a book to come in and I finally got it yesterday afternoon. I needed it to help me translate another book that Master asked me to look at. I only just finished it today."

"What book?"

"It's about dragons, written a few hundred years ago. So, remember when Gajeel and Natsu suddenly started acting weird?"

"Yeah. I'm still not used to it. Natsu and 'rational adult' just don't make sense together." Erza remembered how he had stopped joining guild brawls about a year ago. She thought he was just sick, but then he broke up a fight. Weird was an understatement.

"Or clean," Lisanna added. "Happy thought they had been robbed and dragged me over to their house when you guys were on that short mission" she said, gesturing towards Lucy. "Turns out that Natsu finally learned that cabinets aren't just decorative. I nearly fainted."

"Is that why Gajeel stopped calling me 'bunny girl'? Because I thought he was just tired of being an ass."

"Gajeel not bein' an ass counts as actin' weird. Juss sayin'."

"Um Cana, you should drink some water," Levy added. "But to answer your questions, yes, those are all caused by the same-"

"Are you saying that Wendy's behavior is going to take a 180, too?" Lucy had noticed the change in Natsu's behavior the most and even though she didn't say anything, it had seriously started to bother her. Aside from the rather nice changes to his personal habits, she couldn't help but wonder why he was touching her so much. Not any place weird, of course—he'd be promptly drop-kicked for that—but a shoulder squeeze that lingered a little too long, an arm around her waist to say hello instead of his usual "surprise tackle," a hand or leg grazing hers when they were walking or sitting. She even swore that he would occasionally smell her hair. Or maybe she needed to stop reading romance stories and go meet some new boys before she started crushing on everyone. Except Gray of course. Drowning just seems so unpleasant.

"HAH! Can you juss picture our little Wendy with a line a' boys wrapped 'round her pinky and blowin' up shit? Old-Natsu style?" The mental image of a delinquent Wendy taking out buildings with an army of lovesick boys behind her was too much for Cana. She fell to the floor laughing and holding her sides, whining about how they "hurt so good."

"ANYWAYS," Levy shouted. Would it kill them to just shut up and let her be done thinking about a certain unpleasant individual? "Natsu and Gajeel stopped acting like overgrown six year olds because they came of age, though it seems that Gajeel is a little older than Natsu. It's sort of like hitting puberty, only it's more like a switch turning on and only affects their psychological maturity. It probably still takes a while for it to settle in, and for them to figure out what's going on. Lily told me some of this once Gajeel started figuring it out." Cana was still rolling around giggling to herself, but the other girls' eyes widened as everything started to make sense.

"So...what you're saying is that Natsu has figured out why boobs are fun." She knew she was trolling her innocent friends, but Lisanna couldn't help herself. Her sister ran bets on whether or not Natsu was gay or just asexual since there was no way in hell a healthy, straight male in his 20s could be around Lucy's cleavage for that long without getting frostbite from too many cold showers. Perhaps her quip would convince Lucy to be a little more modest and stop flaunting her chest. While Lisanna wasn't flat, she secretly hoped that Natsu was more of an "ass man," as the guys put it. She could at least participate in that competition.

The idea of boobs being "fun" made the girls blush, while Erza's face blended into her hair as some blue, tattooed memories popped into her head. "P-please continue, Levy," she stuttered. "And no more interruptions!"

"Thanks, Erza. But yeah, Lisanna, Natsu and Gajeel...yeah. A-anyways," Levy was trying desperately to move the conversation away from the two boys and their new sexual awareness. "Female dragons mature a bit differently. Well, a lot differently. Male dragons are less um...valuable I guess. Females tend to be rare, or born less, meaning that for every female dragon, there are, er, were, about three or four male dragons.

"Also, dragons could only give birth one at a time, and the period between births was something ridiculous, like fifteen years. So, basically, most male dragons lived their entire long lives without reproducing simply because all the female dragons were taken."

"Wait, I thought that dragons mated for life."

"The males did and once they mated, they ended up becoming fiercely over-protective and even marked their mate with their...uh...symbol, I guess, to tell other male dragons that she's taken, and by whom. Since each mark was unique to each dragon, the mark also told interested male dragons who they needed to kill before they could start trying to pursue the female."

"Um, Levy-"

"Shush, I'm not done yet. Basically, male dragons pulled the short straw because female dragons didn't have to mate for life. They could up and leave their mate if they felt like it, whereas male dragons would die if they were separated from their mate for too long, or if their mark got replaced or faded or something like that. I'm not too sure on that one since there wasn't a lot of information on why they died."

"Hey, Lev-"

"Shut up! Let me finish!" She'd be damned if she didn't get to finish explaining the last several months of late-night research. Questions could wait. "Anyways, a female dragon basically got to pick who she liked best out of all the local males. And, to make sure that she wasn't missing out on a great guy, er, dragon, female dragons released pheromones to attract all the males in the vicinity. And you know how a lot of animals do their courtship dance thing? These pheromones basically turned on that switch in the males, and they would immediately start doting on her or trying to impress her or fighting with other males in front of her. She basically made them crazy. And that's where we have our problem." Levy finally paused to take a breathe.

"Um...when did she stop making the boy dragons crazy?"

Levy's eyes grew into dinner plates and she slapped her forehead, whispering "Shit."  
Wendy had just finished showering and drying her hair, but she had managed to hear most of the conversation by concentrating on her hearing. She was a little worried by what she heard, but since she hadn't seen Natsu or Gajeel bust out Sharpies and start drawing on Lucy or Levy, she assumed that the romantic lives of dragon slayers and dragons weren't exact parallels. Hell, neither of the boys had made it past noticing that Lucy and Levy were girls with girl bits, let alone trying to flirt with them. Gajeel had actually managed to move his potential relationship backwards. _If pining from a distance and hiding is what their dragon slayer instincts are equating to dragon courtship, then I certainly have nothing to worry about_, she thought, reassuring herself. _Poor Levy..._

"W-wendy...uh...feel better?" There was so much uncomfortable awkwardness in the air that it hurt.

"Um, yeah, I guess. Why is everyone so fancy though? And I forgot that I didn't have any spare clean clothes, so can I borrow some?" She knew that they'd be stunned at how she glossed over the whole "female dragons hitting puberty turns all nearby boys into crazed, lovesick idiots" thing, but she really just wanted some clean underwear and maybe a shirt. Frankly, anything but a towel would be fantastic as she stood in the chilly room.

Lucy and Erza approached the young girl holding some kind of black satin contraption, grinning like mad men. "Oh don't worry, Wendy. We can find something for you to wear."

Wendy let out a quiet "Eep!" as the rest of the women descended on her like a pack of wolves surrounding a squirrel.

* * *

**Also, we're just going to pretend that the latest FT chapter (where Natsu decides to be a little handsy) didn't happen, because I don't feel like dropping that plot device. I also don't know how I would...**

_Fairy Tail and all of its characters are the exclusive property of Hiro Mashima. _


	3. Boys Locked in Closets

**A/N: Two new chapters at once?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!  
First, I'm over-excited. Second, this one and the last one are a little short but don't quite fit together as one chapter, so merry Christmas.**** I'll skip the _Previously on ADSS_ bit since they're updating at the same time.**

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"Hey Natsu. Have you seen Wendy at all?"

Natsu turned around, slightly miffed that he was interrupted from his new love: the buffet table. His annoyance faded when he saw who it was. His face contorted into what he thought was a devilish sneer but looked a little more like a disgruntled chipmunk with his mouth still full of food. Romeo looked at him with a confused expression on his face. "Y'know what, I can ask someone else if you're busy."

Natsu swallowed quickly as Romeo turned to leave. "Oi, Romeo." He was seriously not going to let go of this golden opportunity to tease the shit out of the kid. "She only got back a little while ago. I know you're excited to confess your undying love to her, but let the woman have a rest first, 'kay?" Romeo's face lit up like a fuse. Oh, how Natsu just lived for that. He finally started to understand why Mira was so obsessed with teasing people about their love lives-it's fucking hilarious.

_I walked right into that one,_ Romeo thought, mentally slapping himself as he did so. He had been putting up with Natsu's relentless teasing for a few months now. It was like his big brother suddenly understood what it meant to have "feelings" for someone. Specifically a girl someone. But, try as he might, every attempt Romeo made to tease Natsu back about Lucy or Lisanna just fell flat.

"NO, jeeze. She's just a friend. You're such a dick."

"Love you too, little bro." Natsu slapped Romeo on the back, quite pleased with himself for the rise he got out of the kid. Again. He wished he had more younger siblings to annoy.

"But seriously, have you seen her around?" Romeo grabbed a plate and started piling up whatever food he could grab. It was only a matter of time before the other men (they were NOT boys, thank you very much) swarmed like locusts and devoured everything in sight. "I didn't get a chance to see her off before her mission, and her teacher asked me to give her something."

"Teacher? Oi, light this for me, would ya?"

Romeo ignored his request to turn his food into a pile of flames and stuffed a grape and some chicken into his mouth. "Yeah, y'know, from that university we take classes at sometimes."

"Oh yeah. Seriously, fire. Chop chop."

Romeo had been studying fire magic from one of Natsu's old opponents for some time. When his teacher got picked up by a university one city over, Wendy asked if she could go with him. She wanted to see if they had any medical classes. Turns out they had an entire school. Wendy's education was a bit behind her classmates', so she ended up commuting to the university three times a week for private tutoring with her teachers. Romeo didn't mind, though. He had been long finished with his fire magic courses, but the combat classes were pretty fun. He also may or may not have gotten a job part-time with the maintenance crew, and he may or may not have set up his paycheck to go directly towards Wendy's tuition. She didn't need to know that, though. And it didn't really mean anything. She had to pay rent and he didn't, so he was just helping a friend in need, right? He was such a good friend. Charle could pay for her own god-damned women and gender studies classes, though. He was tired of being referred to as "one of the oppressors."

"No, asshole, not if you're going to be such a dick. Go find some matches." Romeo took his overflowing plate and stormed off to sit by his father.

"What'd you say to piss him off so bad?" Gray asked. He had come over to claim his own food and bask in the glory of his work of art.

"I only teased him, but he should be used to that by now. Maybe he's on his period."

"You're making a joke, right? I don't have to explain the difference between boys and girls to you, do I?" Gray looked at Natsu nervously. He was honestly worried, because for a while there it didn't seem like the fire freak was catching on, and he really didn't want to explain the facts of life to the idiot.

"YES, ice face. I'm not that stupid." He got confused once, ONCE, and that was over a year ago. They just wouldn't let it go, would they?

"I'm just checking, ok?" He turned to look around the room to see where Romeo went while Natsu tried to light napkins on fire with the food warmers. Maybe he was too hungry to notice before, but was it just him, or were there a lot of unfamiliar people there? He recognized a few guys from other guilds, like Eve, but then where were Hibiki and that other guy? He looked around at the guests again, a little more closely this time, and realized that a good third of the guests were teenage boys. They were all a little fidgety, but that was probably just because their tuxes were uncomfortable.

_Wait, what the fuck? I know it's a fancy party and all, but Mira AND Erza said it was fine if we just showered and wore a suit._ He nudged Natsu with his elbow, still staring at the horde of boys milling around.

"Hey, uh Natsu? Notice anything weird about the people here?" Natsu turned around, careful not to drop any of his food on the table and accidentally light it on fire.

He swept his eyes around the room and took a good sniff at the air. "Yeah, what's with all the strange boys? And why are they trying so hard?" He turned to his left to address the lurking girl he just sniffed out. "Juvia, do you know what's going on?"

Gray sighed. _That woman should've been born a ninja_. He had no idea that she was next to him, as per usual. "How come you aren't with the other girls," he asked, turning to acknowledge her. It wasn't strange for her to be stalking Gray, but she was more often scheming with the other women, none of whom were present.

"Juvia was asked to keep you both from killing anyone," she muttered quietly.

"Why would we kill someone? We promised not to fight tonight for Wendy's sake, and anyways, it's usually only the furniture that suffers. We never actually hurt anyone."

"Yeah! And what about metal head or thunder boy? They're worse." Natsu was a little offended that he had to be babysat, while those two...where were those two?

"Juvia asked Pantherlily and Gildarts to handle them. Gajeel is locked in a back room and Gildarts knocked Laxus unconscious and threw him in a closet. Lily is guarding them both and Gildarts is outside in case they climb out a window."

_I don't like where this is going..._ Gray thought. Gajeel, sure, he was really touchy lately, but Laxus? As long as nobody challenged him, he usually just drank in a corner with Freed. He could be an obnoxious drunk, but having Gildarts knock him out seemed like a bit much.

"Gildarts is here? When did he get back?" Natsu completely missed the part of the conversation that should have worried him like Gray. But, he hadn't seen the man in two years, and the last time he came back it was only because he had heard that Cana was really sick. It turned out to be a lie that Master told just to get him to come home and be guild master. Since Cana was off on a mission, Gildarts left the next day.

"More importantly, why is Gildarts on guard duty? Couldn't Freed have just set up a rune thing and made sure Laxus didn't drink too much and get too gropey?" Stupid Natsu, asking stupid irrelevant questions. Did he not realize that the two of them were likely to be locked in one of Juvia's water prisons?

"Juvia really shouldn't say..." She looked at her feet, knowing that if she met Gray's intense stare, she'd spill everything and have to cause him physical pain, and not in a fun, kinky way. She was more worried about Natsu, though. The only reason she hadn't taken him out yet was because the girls wanted to catch him ogling at Lucy first. She and Mira debated letting Gajeel stay, but Lily said that he became a clumsy, uncontrollable mess whenever Levy was around. He could see her later, maybe when there were fewer breakable things around.

"Come on Juvia, please?" Gray flashed his clutch debonair smile. _She can't possibly resist this. Nobody can resist this._

It was true; Juvia would not have been able to resist Gray's charms, but she could manipulate him right back. She turned her head towards the table, careful to look anywhere but at his face.

"Gray, did you make this?" She pointed at the sculpted monstrosity. As much as she loved him, it was still just bad. However, she knew that if she stroked his ego he'd forget his questions. "It's so...interesting. What was your inspiration?"

Natsu groaned. He really didn't want to hear Gray's total bullshit explanation of that sad, sad centerpiece. He was planning to melt it once Gray walked away, but now it seemed like his community service would have to wait. _Maybe Mira will tell me something,_ he thought as he headed towards the bar.

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_Fairy Tail and all of its characters are the exclusive property of Hiro Mashima._


	4. Levitating Boobs and Despondent Boys

**A/N: Hi everyone! First, thank you all for the follows, favorites, and reviews! I'm sorry I haven't been able to PM you all a thanks yet, but I'm workin on it. Second, sorry this took so long to post, and that it isn't exactly my best work. It took a long time to edit because it felt waaaay too girly (frankly, this whole story is a lot girlier than anything I would've expected to write) and not as funny as the other chapters, so I hope that it is OK now. I also have started doing chapter titles, but we'll see if that continues...**

**Thanks again, and please leave me a review! They make me happy! Even if it's just a "YAY" or hell, even an exclamation mark works too-nobody said they have to be constructive. If there is something you like or hate in particular, please let me know! This is my first story in a *long* time so I still feel like I have no idea what the crap I'm doing.**

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_*****The F-bomb gets dropped a lot by a short, angry woman. Just a warning.*****_

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Wendy felt...compressed. As soon as the older girls pulled off her towel, they started wrapping her in something, making her feel as if her insides were both completely squashed and floating at the same time. It seemed as if her breasts were defying gravity, yet her ribs felt like they were about to crack.

"Maybe we should loosen it up a bit," Levy said, looking at the poor teenager's pained expression with pity. "I don't think she can breathe."

"Fine, fine." Lucy sighed and moved around behind Wendy to loosen the ties on the undergarments they had wrapped the little girl in moments ago.

"Lucy, did you really wear this kind of stuff every day?" Wendy wheezed out. She knew that Lucy had dressed like this in her younger years, but she only just realized how much it must've sucked. _Although, I do eat air. Maybe not being able to breath didn't bother her as much?_ She had a new level of respect for Lucy all the same.

"Sorta, but I had to wear a normal corset that squashed my chest. This is technically a bustier," she replied, smirking, while loosening the undergarment's ties.

"My boobs feel like they're sitting on a shelf..." Wendy looked down at herself. For the first time in her life, she had cleavage! She was a little worried, though, that she'd pop out of her top if she moved too quickly or sneezed.

"That's because they basically are. Don't worry, you won't fall out of your dress," Levy replied.

"Yeah, Levy's our expert on makin' lil boobs look big," Cana giggled.

"I'm a C, thank you," Levy huffed back. "Just because the women in this guild are all unnatural proportioned doesn't mean that I'm flat chested!" Honestly, they were inhuman. How did the not have back problems, or not hurt when they ran around? Especially Cana. There was no way that her usual bikini top gave her any kind of support.

Cana continued to giggle and Levy continued to fume while they and the rest of the girls helped Wendy finish getting dressed. Lucy had asked Cancer to fix her hair, asking him to make her look like a real sky maiden. Wendy didn't really fit the "fairy tale princess" bill.

An hour and a half after she walked through guild doors, the girls were finally satisfied with their handiwork. Charle had come in to say happy birthday to her best friend, but resolutely refused to participate in dressing up Wendy, muttering something about "being objectified" and "proscribed gender roles." The exceed become a bit of a feminazi ever since she started listening in on a gender studies class while waiting for Wendy.

Charle left to tell the Master that Wendy was ready. The other girls had just finished getting dressed themselves when they started moving Wendy out the door and up to the bar. As she walked out, she saw that the guests were standing or sitting around the large dance floor with their eyes focused on a tiny old man wearing a somewhat shiny suit. Apparently the master had gone a bit overboard—he was sporting a normal black tux, but the gold bow tie, gold sash, and the gold trim on his pants and tails made him reflect light like a polished watch. He was even wearing a top hat (with a gold ribbon, of course). Wendy tried to hold back a laugh at the sight of the glittery Master but ended up snarfing into her hand.

The Master cleared his throat, tapped the microphone in his right hand, and looked up at the crowd with a bright smile. "Thank you, everyone, for being here on Wendy's special day!" He paused briefly as people clapped and cheered. As he waited, the corner of his mouth twitched slightly, and his eyes suddenly looked distant.

_Is he worried about something?_ Wendy shook her head to herself. He was probably just hungry.

"As you all know, today we are celebrating Wendy's sixteenth birthday!" There was another round of cheering and applause that died down as Master held up his hands to continue. "As many of you probably don't know, however, is that dragons, and therefore dragon slayers, come of age at sixteen." He paused again, as if waiting for another round of cheering, but he simply needed a moment to gather his thoughts. The guests remained quiet, looking fairly confused. "Dragons used to celebrate this event by showing off the new adult in a flying competition. But, since our Wendy doesn't have big, scaly wings, we figured we'd show her off with a party, Fairy Tail style!" At that point, Master threw an arm up overhead with one finger pointed to the sky and was instantly mimicked by cheering Fairy Tail mages.

The Master didn't want to wait for the cheering to die down, so instead he lowered his arm, took a step back and to the side, and shouted, "Presenting Wendy Marvell!"

Romeo had been inhaling food at a side table where his father was busy arguing with Wakaba about something. He wasn't really paying attention to anything, thinking instead about how Natsu had no right to tease him. When he heard the Master start talking, he stood up to get a better view, moving side to side and bending a little to see through the gaps between people.

He watched as the wall of Erza, Lucy, Cana, Lisanna, and Levy moved to let Wendy walk forward towards Master. He couldn't quite see her; there was a lacrima light just in front of her that was casting a glare. He could tell it was her, though, by the tenuous movements of her feet. _She hates this kind of attention_, he thought. He was more than a little pissed off and he wasn't sure why—Natsu's teasing usually didn't bother him this much—but attributed it to how his good friend was being forced into an uncomfortable situation.

He moved around the table to try and see past the lacrima while everyone was still cheering. Then he heard a bunch of women gasp and comment on how lovely she looked.

"Is that really our little Wendy?" one girl said.

"I never imagined she'd turn out so pretty!" exclaimed another.

Romeo scoffed. _Jerks_. Didn't everyone know that Wendy was pretty? She just never dresses up; of course she looks different. He moved back to his original seat next to his father. It was just Wendy; he didn't need a perfect view of her. He saw her every day, so why would now really be any different?

And then she walked past the lacrima.

"Heh, _hic_, son, a bee is gonna fly in your mouth if you keep gapin' like that." Macao had been watching his son's face as Wendy walked out. He and Wakaba had a bet going on how hilarious his son's face would be when he saw her. Romeo's scowl had Macao a bit concerned for a second, but then his son suddenly jerked upright as if he had been slapped across the cheek with a fish. Romeo's eyes were huge, his mouth had fallen open, his eyebrows were practically in his hair, and his face instantly paled, only to slowly fade into a bright red.

Romeo slammed his mouth shut so hard that his teeth hurt before slumping back into his chair. Wasn't he just sitting down? He felt confused, amazed, and angry all at once. Perhaps Natsu's teasing wasn't so far off, and perhaps he did have a little crush, but what teenager didn't? Furthermore, she was the only girl his age that he spent time with. And they were really good friends. They had even started partnering up for missions. Crush or not, everything was fine this whole time—not awkward or anything—but now, well...

Romeo's forehead crashed into the small table in front of him. He was, embarrassingly, a hopeless romantic (blame his namesake), and Wendy looked like a legitimate heavenly maiden. The girls had put Wendy into a silver dress that actually looked like the sky. A piece of royal blue silk clung to her underneath a cascade of intricate silver lace that wrapped around her like spider web. The inch-wide straps over her shoulders opened into a delicate square neckline that dipped slightly in the center. The fabric followed her form like a glove, gathering at the side of her waist, then falling in gentle swoops and soft folds all the way down to her ankles. As she moved, it looked like liquid silver was weaving through a twilight sky. Throughout her long hair were white flowers and pearls that seemed to float in place. When the girls had asked him to do an up-do, Cancer couldn't bare the thought of constraining the young girl's hair. It just didn't fit; it needed to be loose and free. Instead he made a few small braids, two to loosely cross her head like a headband, while the others crossed through her locks, appearing out of nowhere and then melting back into her hair. She wore no jewelry, her make-up was minimal and natural. Wendy, standing there, smiling at everyone, with a slight tint of pink on her cheeks, simply glowed. There was no way Romeo could possibly ever be around her again without stuttering like the lovesick idiot he had tried so desperately to repress. It was like the dam he built up against the flood of awkward feelings that could threaten their friendship had just exploded, and he seriously wished that somebody had warned him.

Romeo barely registered his father's hand patting him on the head. He turned his head slightly to look at his father.

"Son? You ok?"

His father eyebrows were pinched with worry. Though, to be fair, his son did willingly smash his face into a table just a moment ago. Romeo sighed and sat up, resting his face in his hands.

"I'm so fucked," was all he could say.

Wendy was giving the Master a cute curtsey as they finished their dance. He had asked her for the first dance, citing the tradition of dancing first with one's father. She giggled at the reminder of how much the Master truly cared for her, like family. As a new song started, other couples paired up to dance. She, however, still hadn't eaten since that morning and decided to head towards the buffet set-up. Before she could make her way to a table, someone grabbed her hand asking, "Care to dance?"

She should have smelled him, but she was so focused on finally eating that she wasn't really paying attention to anything.

"I'd rather eat something, Natsu. Is there any food left, or did you eat it all?" She wasn't being mean. It was a perfectly fair question.

"Very funny. You look nice, by the way, and happy birthday!" He gave his little sister a pat on the head. "C'mon, I'll 'escort' you." Flashing his trademark stupid grin, he stuck out his arm for Wendy to link her arm through.

Lucy and Levy watched as Natsu guided Wendy off of the dance platform and towards a buffet table.

Sighing, Lucy asked her friend, "Wasn't Juvia supposed to lock him in a bubble or something?" She sat down as Levy flopped in the chair next to her.

"I thought so, too. Lucy, go distract him before he eats one of these boys. He's sort of ruining the entire point of this party by growling at every male under thirty."

"Why me?" she whined. "I'm too tired to deal with him right now. Can't we just find Juvia?"

Levy paused before responding, just to make sure that what she said had a good level of gravity. Levy's eyes looked down at Lucy's dress before returning up to give her friend an unconvinced glare.

"You're too tired," she said, stopping between her two statements. "To deal with Natsu." Levy paused again and raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

Lucy didn't want to have this discussion. Not again, but perhaps it was her own fault.

"You don't want to deal with him, and yet you wore that." Levy sat up and pointed at Lucy's attire. There was absolutely no way Mr. Fire-Obsessed could possibly ignore how appealing Lucy looked. She had picked out a tight, strapless, ombre gown that faded from an orangey-pink at the hem to a deep red at the top. He would've thought she looked hot even before his hormones woke up-although, he would've meant temperature wise, but that was still a compliment to him. "I mean, you actually look like fire. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to eat you."

After a few moments, in which Lucy was trying to come up with a plausible excuse, Levy started giggling at her unintended joke. Levy wondered if her dear friend knew enough dirty slang to get it. She did.

Lucy blushed and stuttered that she'd go deal with him as she left. As she watched Lucy leave, Levy sighed to herself and wondered if maybe _she_ should've tried a little harder. Had this been one or two years ago, she probably would've worn a slinky black dress bedazzled with metal studs, or something ridiculous like that. However, the object of her fading affection had started avoiding her like a plague almost a year ago, and she found that somewhere along the lines she just stopped caring. At first, she was hurt and tried to figure out what she had done, especially since Natsu was clearly trying to get closer to Lucy after his "awakening." Levy was the only girl besides Juvia that Gajeel was close to, so he should've started reacting to one of them by now, and it certainly wasn't going to be his "neurotic, rainy sister," as he once said. Instead, however, he always seemed to be away. Levy thought that perhaps Gajeel had a girlfriend outside of the guild, but when she asked Lily, the exceed fell over laughing, saying that his friend was far too emotionally incompetent to even consider the idea of a girlfriend. When she asked why Gajeel got so upset and walked away whenever she tried to talk to him, Lily stared at the floor and couldn't give her an answer. She took Lily's silence to mean that Gajeel had finally figured out her feelings for him, which made the man angry, hence the being upset and stalking off whenever she came by. Several months had passed since she came to that conclusion, though, and she had finally managed to start moving on.

And, as a way of really proving how little she cared about his sorry metal ass, her dress was neither black nor bedazzled. Green, tea-length, and with orange accents, the dress she had picked fit her personality perfectly. It tied around her neck and covered her whole front, with only a small slit that started at the neck and stopped mid-chest. There were no sleeves, but it looked like a typical, conservative, A-line dress all the same. At least, until she turned around. She had the back covered with a shawl since it was chilly, so no one saw how the back of her dress didn't actually start until her elbows, and dipped dangerously low to only just cover her lower back with a loose sweep of fabric. In brief, her dress was cute and conservative at first glance and surprisingly risqué upon closer inspection—how very "Levy" indeed. It even matched her hair.

_No, I don't need to try harder. I certainly wasn't intending to impress anyone_—_especially not stupid metal heads locked in storage rooms because they're too idiotic to behave like a god-damned fucking gentleman for three fucking hours. I mean is it really that fucking hard to not impale some punk-ass that's-_ She had to stop thinking about him. It could only lead to rage.

"Y'know, your brain has a mouth worse than-"

_Fuck off, Cobra._ She already knew that her internal monologue swore like an enraged, drunken sailor, but she really didn't need to be told that it was worse than Gajeel's, thank you. Nobody needed to know that beneath her soft-spoken and innocent exterior thundered one seriously vindictive woman. Perhaps it was time for a drink.

Levy got up and headed towards the bar, pausing to give the nearby Cobra a death glare. He felt that it was unnecessary, if merited—he knew exactly how quickly her temperament changed from, well, basically any other mood to one of unbridled fury. He really just wished he could stop his mouth from moving when he was inebriated. At least he wasn't Gajeel. That guy was doomed.

"Anythin' interesting?" Bixlow came over with two new steins and handed one to his friend.

"Never piss off Levy."

"Wasn't gonna." Cobra told him roughly the same thing with the same look of abject fear in his eyes just about every time he stumbled into Levy's thoughts. Bixlow took a sip of his drink before holding it up again. "Small ones 'r always the scariest."

Cobra clinked his glass with Bixlow's. "I'll drink to that."

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I don't own Fairy Tail, etc. etc...


	5. Levy is a Liar

**AN: **Hi all! Sorry for being slow-I got super sick :( But thank you all for the follows, favorites, and reviews! I probably would've quit this story by now if I didn't think people liked it, so thank you all very, very much!

Also, I'm working on figuring out the actual plot, so I apologize in advance if the next update is slow! I have a general idea of where this is going, but I'm not sure how to get there just yet. I'm terribly bored of the party scene already (as many of you probably are too), so I promise to have some excitement or something next time. This chapter is a little shorter than normal partially because I chopped off the end of it to re-work into something more interesting for the next chapter.

As a side note, one of the comments mentioned that Wendy's age is wrong BUT I double-checked the Fairy Tail wiki, and it goes as such: Wendy is technically 19 in the manga currently, but since time was "stopped" only for the S-class exam participants on Tenroujima, her physical and emotional development were also "stopped." She is, therefore, still basically a 12-year-old even though her birth certificate (if she had one) would say otherwise. _This_ story takes place four years in the future from where the manga is now, hence 12(ish) in the manga now + 4 years in the future = 16(ish) for this story. Sorry for the confusion! :/

**Thanks again to all of you for everything!**

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"Natsu!" Lucy shouted as she ran up to her partner.

Her partner was staring at the ceiling with his eyes closed, taking deep breaths. For about a year now, Natsu had to do some meditative breathing and mentally recite an intellectual mantra every time his partner came nearby. Thankfully he smelled her coming early enough to give him time to lower his heart rate back to a normal level. He opened his eyes and turned to face her as she came closer.

"Oh, hey Luc-" he tried to respond, but ended up making an audible gulp when he saw her looking like a fetching red flame. Well, shit. There went his heart rate.

Wendy looked at her stunned and cherry-faced brother and couldn't help herself from snickering. She knew that this party was Lucy's last attempt at getting a response from Natsu—other than being told that she's weird. She moved away a little to let the pair chat while she ate, and couldn't help but snicker at how Lucy had finally gotten the boy to blush.

Lucy wasn't sure why Natsu stopped so abruptly to swallow something. Was he still eating? Did she ever kick him for talking with his mouth full? Probably. It would explain why he looked embarrassed—she had just caught him doing it.

As Lucy was busy trying to figure out why Natsu stopped eating (a matter of concern usually), she spotted Lisanna walking up behind Natsu. "Hey!" she exclaimed. She slapped a hand on Natsu's shoulder, making him jump out of his stunned reverie. "What do you think of our handiwork?" Lisanna asked. "Doesn't Wendy look stunning?" After seeing Lucy's dress, and Natsu's response, Lisanna couldn't help but put herself in the conversation, too. She knew full well that she didn't have a chance, and she was pretty OK with that, but messing with the guild's most oblivious pair was way too fun.

Natsu turned to see Lisanna and decided that the women in his life were out to kill him. Her dress was red, tight, and far too sexy for any nice girl to wear. "H-hey. Wendy looks great...u-uh I promised to get something for Mira, sorry!" He was going to go into cardiac arrest if he didn't leave soon.

Cobra and Bixlow watched him run off, presumably, as Bixlow put it, before he ended up with problem much harder to alleviate than a red face.

"He's reciting the pledge of allegiance backwards. I am impressed."

"Man, it's like he finally has the mind of an adult but is stuck with the control of a twelve year old." Bixlow did not envy the pink haired kid, but listening to what Cobra heard Natsu think was a great source of entertainment. Cobra didn't really listen in on people if he could help it, but Natsu around women was an exception. He and Bixlow continued to be impressed by the kid's various attempts to calm himself down. So far, they had found out that Natsu knew his multiplication tables up to 17, there are 873 nails in the ceiling, and someone had clearly forced the poor kid to memorize Fiore's Bill of Rights. He was also pretty good at long division. Erza would be so proud.

"Well that works, I guess," Lucy mumbled to herself. She wanted to actually talk to him and tell him that he cleaned up nicely, but at least he wasn't growling at people anymore. Juvia was following him to the back of the room, so Lucy was pretty sure that she wouldn't be seeing him for a while. _Poor guy,_ she thought, imagining how he was going to react to a surprise water prison.

Lisanna and Wendy had moved to a table to eat, so Lucy decided to go find Levy again. Watching Natsu freak out when Lisanna showed up in all her skimpy red glory tweaked Lucy just a little bit more than she'd expected. Maybe Mira could make her a milkshake.

"What on Earthland is she thinking!" Mira grumbled to herself. She snatched an empty glass and slammed it a little roughly in the sink behind her before picking up a dish towel with an aggressive flick in the air. "She said she didn't like him anymore so why is she dressed like...like..." She couldn't quite put her finger on the word she wanted; it was her little sister she was talking about, after all, but she was just so furious! "Mavis, she looks like a tramp!" The bar counter was starting to reflect the surrounding scenery as Mira angrily ground the dishcloth in circles.

"M-Mira...you OK?" Levy asked timidly. Seeing Mira get so furious towards her sister was a rare sight. Actually, Levy was pretty sure this was the first time she'd seen it happen. "Wanna talk about it?"

Mira stopped and sighed. "No, it's alright. Thanks though," she sighed. She looked up a Levy with a hurt look on her face. "I just wish she wouldn't lie to me about these things."

Levy wasn't really sure what to say, so she just nodded and patted Mira's arm to comfort her. Lisanna was being a bit wishy-washy about Natsu, but Levy understood how hard it must be to let go of a guy she liked, and who she thought liked her back. She'd gone on dates with a couple of local non-guild guys, but she always seemed to come back to a certain pink haired boy.

"Anyways, Mira," she started. Levy knew exactly what topic would cheer the woman up. "Who do you think will be grabbing our little Wendy's heart tonight?"

It worked like a charm. Mira's eyes had lit up at the thought of how their little girl was all grown up and about to find her Prince Charming.

Lucy had just walked up to see Mira grinning in her own little romantic world. "My money is on that kid from the university that Charle always talks about," she said. What was his name again? Something with a P or a T?

"Lucy! How could you?" Mira was glaring at her, looking more or less betrayed, as if Lucy had just run over her dog. "How could you betray Romeo!"

"Oh, please! He could use some healthy competition. Maybe it'll get him to finally make a move," she replied. He was acting as if she'd be there forever and not appreciating her like he ought.

Levy and Lucy both stopped to consider the validity of that statement. Perhaps it was time for them to start accepting all of those date requests.

"But I have a question." Levy was quickly roused from her thoughts by Mira's inquisitive tone. "Does Wendy have to make a decision tonight?" It was a valid question; nobody really knew what was going on except for Levy and the Master since Levy hadn't had a chance to tell anyone else.

"No, of course not," Levy replied quickly. She watched as Mira's face, which had looked like it was about to cry, settled back into a smile, albeit a puzzled smile. "This party just sort of...helps move things along before she actually turns sixteen."

Lucy looked at Levy with a frown. "I'm confused."

Not wanting a repeat of earlier, Levy looked around for the little dragon slayer. Wendy was busy dancing with a rather attractive boy who seemed to have her engrossed in conversation. Levy chuckled to herself. Competition indeed. Romeo would have to seriously step up his game if he wanted a chance.

Satisfied that Wendy and her sensitive ears were far enough away and too busy to listen in on Levy's explanation, she continued.

"So earlier, remember how I said that female dragons produce pheromones that make male dragons act like lovesick puppies?" Lucy nodded, and Mira figured she'd get a full account from Erza later.

"In a few weeks, Wendy will start doing the same thing. As hilarious as it could be, it might get a little dangerous since a lot of the guys around her are mages. They'll start out by just trying to impress her with flowers and crap, I assume, but once she starts favoring one or two over the others, they'll start fighting for her affection. Like, physically fighting. And, since so many of them are powerful mages, someone, like one of the civilians, could get very badly injured or even die."

There was a pause as the girls digested what they just heard.

"So," Levy continued, "Master and I tried to figure out how to prevent that from happening. A dragon only stops producing pheromones when she's been marked by her mate. In this case, we're hoping the girl falls in love with someone who can mark her before something bad happens." Thank God Charle wasn't there. She would've lost it. "Since she doesn't have to mate for life, it isn't as crappy as it sounds."

"Won't the pheromones start up again if they break up?"

"Only if the mark fades, and that takes a few years. Otherwise it'll just get replaced by her new boy." Levy winced. She wasn't technically lying, but she still felt uncomfortable hiding so much of the truth from her two friends. Hopefully the other girls wouldn't notice or think too hard. She took a breath and finished up, saying, "So unless our Wendy decides to become a man-eater, we should be fine."

"I can't even picture that."

"Why didn't we just ask Romeo to mark her? Wouldn't that have been easier?" Lucy wasn't stupid; there were some holes in Levy's explanation. Levy was hiding something, and that annoyed her.

"W-well, I think both of them have to really care about one another for the mark to actually work," Levy stuttered. Again, basically true, but excluding some bits.

"Whaaaaat?" Mira was distressed again. "They don't like each other?"

"Not enough. Romeo hasn't exactly made any hints, and she said she's happy just being friends. Don't forget that he was only a little kid to her before Tenroujima. Maybe she still thinks of him that way, and he thinks of her as a big sister."

They hadn't thought of that.

"I guess that could be weird…and gross," Lucy said. Mira was about to cry.

"AND," Levy added, grasping for whatever excuse she could to distract Lucy's inquiries, "her big dragon slayer brothers and an irritable ice mage are likely to lose it on any unsuspecting male that tries to flirt with her."

"I figured that was the reason for locking them up, but won't they just flip out when we let them out after the party? Or do we keep them locked up forever?"

The conversation had finally steered towards safe waters; she just needed to get Lucy to remember something Natsu did and let her start whining. "The hope is that they won't try to kill the kid that Wendy falls for. If he screws up and makes her cry, then maybe, but I don't think any of us have a problem with that." That was entirely the truth-they all knew that Natsu, Laxus, Gray, and Gajeel doted on Wendy to an almost sickening point. They sure as hell wouldn't hurt the guy Wendy liked, not if it made her sad. Threats were a given, though.

"So how exactly does a mark work?"

_DAMMIT MIRA!_ Levy was so annoyed-she had just kept Lucy from asking that very problematic question.

"I uh..." As much as she wanted to tell them the truth, she had promised Master to keep it to herself. She even made an effort to not think about it if Cobra was around, but he seemed to realize that it was "kinda a big deal" and kept it to himself. Thankfully she had thought of a somewhat believable lie, and hopefully none of the dragon slayer boys would tell, if they even knew.

"I'm not actually sure. The, uh, the books weren't very clear since I don't think the authors knew. I'm waiting for another book to come in that might explain it better."

Mira and Lucy both seemed satisfied with that answer, and Levy sighed in relief. To be honest, her answer would have been the complete truth about a day ago; she only found out how marking worked that morning. They knew it was important for Wendy to meet all of her "options," but now it was imperative for her to pick a good one.

Levy felt horrible. They were asking an innocent sixteen year old to find her soul mate in one night. The poor girl really didn't have the luxury of time or dating, and Levy had no idea how to tell her.

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**If you're wondering where Peter came from, he's based on a friend of mine (him and his boyfriend were always the hottest guys in the room-it was sad) and his name is the only thing I could think of to match the name "Wendy"... I don't have big plans for him, so if you don't like him/original characters in general, well, have no fear.**

**As per usual, Fairy Tail and all of its related content belong to Hiro Mashima, despite my wishful thinking.**


	6. Broken

**A/N: **So I figured out the plot! Hooray for forward planning! You now have a fairly long story with sociopaths, romantic rivals, magic battles, a good deal of fluff and a _lot_ of angst to look forward to. There may, sadly, be less emphasis on the non-RoWen relationships though. Who knows, if I feel inspired, or if there are enough requests, I'll write some companion stories.

Also, I realized that the end note last time probably made no sense. The Peter character was in the part that I cut out of that chapter and is in this one instead.

Sorry this chapter is so short...and not my best work... :/ I'm writing the next chapter now so hopefully I'll update soon to make it up to you.

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Wendy looked around the room after her millionth dance—that's what it felt like at least. She felt like she had danced with every teenage boy in Fiore, but at least she wasn't in heels. True, she was a little bummed when the older girls handed her a pair of silver sandals instead of an elegant pair of grown-up pumps, but now she was very grateful. Her legs were dying for a break, but she had to hold out for one more dance.

There was only one boy her age that hadn't danced with her, and it made her more than a little upset. He was her best friend! He should've been the first guy in line and yet he hadn't even asked yet. Even if he didn't like her _that _way, it was her birthday. Plus, he knew how to dance. She'd seen him do it on a mission so he couldn't use that as an excuse.

"So, Wendy, any progress?" a familiar voice asked from behind her.

"Peter! You made it!" Her mood immediately lifted at the sight of her good friend and classmate. Throwing her arms around him, she gave him a huge hug, while he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her a little off of the ground.

"I'm so sorry I'm so late!" He set her back down and grabbed her hands. "You look absolutely amazing, by the way. There is no way you don't have any updates for me, not looking like that." He gave her a smirk and a wink, but Wendy just sighed.

Poor Romeo returned to the party after taking his father home just in time to watch as the stunning object of his affections jumped into his arch-nemesis' annoyingly muscular arms. Romeo had no problems with Wendy being friends with other guys, but there were two major problems with this particular guy: Wendy really liked this guy, and, as painful as it was for Romeo to admit, Peter was objectively good looking. Why couldn't he at least be scrawny? Being buff was Romeo's thing—if Peter was scrawny, Romeo wouldn't have to hate him as much. Maybe.

The two boys first met when Romeo went to pick up Wendy from one of her classes. He felt pretty pleased with himself for being _such_ a nice guy and waiting around to pick her up and take her home safely. But then he saw her, standing in the hallway, laughing her head off with _this_ punk. Now, Romeo knew that since their relationship was strictly platonic, she had every right to meet other guys. In fact, he should've been happy that this new guy had similar interests and was clearly smart, not to mention that they got along really well. And, all the girls said he was dreamy, and wasn't that a nice perk for Wendy? It only annoyed him because Peter was "dreamy" while he was just, well, nickname-less. They were both tall, tan, and muscly, both had black hair, and yet Romeo wasn't "dreamy" while this guy was. It was only his vanity that was bothered.

Or so he used to think. Before tonight, Romeo wasn't sure why he felt so annoyed and angry whenever he saw his partner with Prince Dreamy. What made things worse was that Romeo didn't have a good reason for disliking Peter-the guy was almost perfect…and it was fucking annoying! He even looked uncomfortable when Romeo came to pick up Wendy the first time—he probably thought that he was flirting with Romeo's girlfriend. What an amazingly, _perfectly_ nice guy. All Romeo could think about was beating the shit out of Peter, but every time he thought about it, he just felt like an ass for arbitrarily hating a guy for being nice. It was almost like he wanted a reason to hate the guy but couldn't find one. Romeo ended up just avoiding Peter, which helped keep the disturbingly pleasant images of a beaten and bloodied Peter out of his head, but it didn't make him feel any better about himself.

What Romeo didn't know was that Wendy and Peter eventually bonded over their admiration of the young fire mage. Peter wasn't uncomfortable that first time because he thought he was caught flirting with another guy's girl; his heart was jumping because Romeo was the hottest guy he'd seen in a long time. He found out later that he was too old to be hitting on Romeo, being closer to Natsu's age, but the teenager was still nice to look at—like a delightful piece of artwork. Ever since then, his favorite past time was helping Wendy with her Romeo-centered love life. It helped stop him from feeling creepy for mentally breaking the "half your age plus seven" rule, while at the same time he got to feel like the co-writer of his own live-action rom-com.

And, even more fun was playing a role in said rom-com. Peter was perfectly aware that he made Romeo jealous. Even after six months, Romeo had no idea that Peter was gay; the kid was decorative but a bit of an idiot, bless his heart. Still, he could use Romeo's ignorance to Wendy's advantage. He'd seen Romeo leave, holding up his rather sick-looking father. Since Wendy was occupied at the time, Peter figured he'd wait until the clueless wonder got back. Fifteen minutes later, he looked through the window and spotted a ball of fire illuminating the path in front of a tall teenager.

_Showtime_, he thought, grinning at his idea. He had seen the kid gape like a fish, light up like a flare, and then face-plant into a table, and, aside from being impressed at Romeo's theatrics, Peter finally knew for sure that Romeo was in love with Wendy but too scared to do anything about it. Pretending to make a move on Wendy should get his pretty butt into gear. In his experience, jealousy was a fantastic motivator.

With his plan in mind, Peter walked up to Wendy, looking absolutely fantastic in his perfectly fitted black suit and bow tie. When Wendy jumped to hug him, he decided to pick her up a little, like the dreamy boyfriend from all of those rom-coms would, intent on making Romeo pop in jealous frustration.

Peter watched Romeo out of the corner of his eye-he was obviously fuming and had his fists clenched at his sides, but he still wasn't moving. Time to be obnoxious.

"Well, you can tell me later," said Peter in response to Wendy's sigh of an answer. "And now, my lady," he bowed, picked up her hand and kissed it, before looking up slightly from her hand and smirking. Perhaps he was pushing it a little far, since Wendy looked a little confused and weirded out—but it was pissing Romeo off so who cared? "May I have the last dance?"

Wendy nodded as Peter stood up and graciously wrapped an arm around her waist. When he picked up her hand and took a step forward to start their waltz, she couldn't help but feel her heart flutter for an instant. His movements were so much more graceful than anyone else she had danced with that evening, or ever. She looked up, expecting to see a smug look of triumph, because he _knew_ he was a better gentlemen than any of the straight guys in the room, but instead he was smiling down at her, gently, with no remnant of the devious smirk she swore she saw him flash earlier. It was the kind of look she had seen Alzack give Bisca and their daughter—warm, comforting. Her heart was set at ease and she felt herself give him the same gentle, loving smile as they silently glided in delicate circles around the room.

Her smile was full of love, and it was for someone else. Romeo stopped walking halfway to Wendy and Peter the moment she looked up at her dance partner. He had planned on cutting in, especially after that disgusting, cliché tactic of kissing her hand. He didn't want to be around her and him anymore, so he turned around retraced his steps home.

There really was no point in staying. It was over, he was beaten. He had plenty of chances that night, and his own insecurities and cowardice had kept him from taking any of them.

_But she's happy_, he thought, over and over to himself as he walked home. She was happy, she _is_ happy, and as her best friend, he should be happy for her.

He played with his ball of fire, trying desperately to think about something else and not feel so upset, but the mental image of Wendy looking up at Peter continued to force its way into his thoughts.

He extinguished his ball of fire as he reached the walkway up to the door and immediately began thinking about her again.

He really should be glad that she has someone who really cares about her.

Romeo reached the handle to his front door and stopped, tightly gripping the cold brass with his bare hand.

It was getting harder to reason with his emotions and maybe make them go away.

He shouldn't feel angry and betrayed that she's so happy with someone that isn't him.

Was his dad still awake? Maybe he sobered up and was waiting up for him.

He should've realized what he had in front of him sooner.

The tingling in his hand from the handle was starting to sting. He took a few deep breaths to clear his head before opening the door.

He shouldn't feel his chest seizing up.

Romeo saw his father waiting for him on the couch, mostly sober and nursing a giant water bottle.

"Hey, son," Macao said, gently. He slowly sat up, setting his water bottle on the floor, and walked towards his son.

He shouldn't feel so broken.

"Hey…dad," Romeo replied. He pushed the door shut behind him, stood as still as he could and focused on the floor.

Macao paused in front of his shaking son. He didn't need to ask; he instead pulled his son into a tight hug.

He shouldn't need to cry.

Romeo didn't realize how badly he was shaking until his father embraced him. He buried his head into his father's shoulder as Macao reached up to reassuringly pat his tearing son's head.

Because "should" is a hard word to accept.

* * *

please don't hate me .

_Disclaimer: Fairy Tail and all of its related characters are the sole property of Hiro Mashima._


	7. Insightful Properties of Microwave Bacon

A/N: OK, so, I sorta screwed up when I posted things earlier, so if you read Ch. 7 before 6:30 pm EST on July 30th, 2013, please re-read ch. 7 & 8!

* * *

"Ah, Doranbolt, good to see you," the Master said with a yawn. He was sitting on the bar, watching as the guild members progressively staggered out of the building. Midnight had come and gone some time ago and the party was finally winding down. "You missed most of the party, y'know."

"Good to see you too," he replied, chuckling at the Master's accusatory tone. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Wendy, but he had been held up by something much more important than a friend's birthday party. "But I'm not here for the festivities, sir." His face quickly became stern, and the Master simply nodded in understanding.

The Master looked the man over. Red dust covered the hem of Doranbolt's gray slacks and pale green cape, while his long green coat, lined with the black trim of the Council's reconnaissance force, was in desperate need of ironing. The Council was usually known for looking prestigious at all times, and yet he had not even had time enough to change into his formal uniform. "I'm guessing that this can't wait until morning," the master asked.

Doranbolt simply shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

The Master sighed. He figured that he'd get a visit after he contacted the Council that morning, but he hadn't expected it to be that evening. Even with his abilities, Doranbolt must have been traveling for most of the day. It was unfortunate that they had to get the Council involved at all, but with what Levy had discovered, it was unavoidable.

Jumping off of the bar, he turned towards the stairs and signaled for Doranbolt to follow him. "Let's discuss this in my office, away from a certain someone's sensitive ears."

* * *

"Ugh," Romeo grumbled. Pale light trickled through the side window of Romeo's room, past the curtains he forgot to draw closed, spilling over the books and boxers that dotted his once-white carpet, and ultimately falling over the young man's very tired eyes. He flung an arm across his face, desperately trying to deny the fact that the sun was up. As his arm slid back over his forehead, his eyes adjusted and opened to watch bits of dust dance above his face. Sitting up, he began to remember exactly why his eyes felt so puffy and tired.

_Did that seriously just happen_? Romeo Conbolt, grown man and experienced guild mage, just cried himself to sleep like a little girl. His father had even hugged him—and they were not exactly a touchy-feeley family. He must have look absolutely horrible for his dad to think such paternal intimacy was necessary.

Rubbing his head, he looked over at the clock to check the time. Seven-thirty in the morning. Of course. He was completely incapable of waking up before ten most days, and yet the one time when he would rather sleep through life, he wakes up at dawn.

_Fuck this_, he thought, flopping back down onto his bed and shoving his face into his pillow. It wasn't so much that he was still tired; it was a matter of principle. Waking up before his alarm was just wrong. But sleep eluded him—he was too angry. Angry at the sun for existing before his clock chimed, angry at his father for still being awake to see him so upset, angry at himself for crying, angry that his anger was keeping him from sleeping. He briefly considered being angry at Peter, or even Wendy, but the thought just made his chest clench, which, in turn, made him angry again for caring.

Maybe he should just get up and go for a run or a walk. All of that mindful meditation bullshit that his magic and martial arts instructors had taught him really was not going to work right now. It was supposed to help him keep his emotions, and thus his destructive potential, in check, but the only thing his mind wanted to focus on was the one thing that was making him angrier and angrier.

"GAAAH!" Face down on his bed, he screamed into a pillow and punched the mattress next to him. He really just wanted to let loose and burn something—similar to how Natsu must feel most of the time. Sadly, comparing his situation to Natsu did not make him feel any better. His big brother's love life was pretty pitiful, but Romeo could at least look a hot girl in the eyes without having an anxiety attack.

Then again, Natsu didn't have any competition. Guys used to hit on Lucy all the time, but that girl was besotted, and it simply wasn't fair.

"She waited it out, maybe I can too," he said to his pillow. Clearly, saying things out loud makes them more likely to be true.

Or maybe he's just being pathetic. Trying to convince one's pillow of one's convictions was up there with crying oneself to sleep. He mentally thanked all that was holy that nobody was around to watch the slow decay of his masculine pride.

"You alright there, son?"

Of course his father would happen to walk in right when Romeo was doing his best impression of a schizophrenic at an ungodly hour in the morning. What the hell did he do in a past life to earn himself such unfortunate karma?

He debated briefly between pulling a pillow over his head, or pretending that he was just talking in his sleep. But something was bothering him. His father was usually worse at getting up, especially after a night of drinking.

"Dad, why the hell are you awake?"

"Kept having to get up to pee, so I figured I'd just get up for the day. Heard you floppin' around so I came in to see if you wanted breakfast."

Romeo rolled over to look at his father and furrowed his brow. This was a man who would have either starved or gotten scurvy between the time his wife left and his son was old enough to reach the stove, had it not been for the guild.

He sat up, stared at his father, and sighed. His father was barely standing in the doorway with one hand on the door knob, looking very hopeful, like a dog waiting for cheese.

"Give me a sec to put on pants and I'll be down." His father smiled, satisfied with his son's reply, and pulled the door almost closed as he turned down the hallway.

Romeo fell back onto his pillows, took a deep breath, yanked off the covers and flung his legs off his bed, pulling his torso up as his body pitched forward behind them. It was days like these, when getting out of bed required an obscene amount of mental energy, that momentum was his best friend. Inertia could be such a bitch.

Grunting like an old man with rheumatism, Romeo shoved himself off of his bed and began scouring the floor for a pair of pants. Being too tired to bend over to pick them up, he used a foot to grab a dark blue pair of loose sweatpants, fling them upwards, and catch in a hand well-practiced in the art of mid-air pants catching. Lily had once pointed out that he still had to bend over to put said pants on, but Romeo chose to ignore the cat, being too pleased with himself for routinely catching them on the first try.

Romeo kicked open the door, being too busy tugging his pants over his hips with one hand and rubbing sleep out of his eyes with the other to open the door like a normal person. He shuffled to the stairs and thumped down each one, battling the stiffness in his legs with every step.

"Y'know, dad, cup ramen is not really a breakfast food," Romeo said as he wandered into the kitchen. His father was standing in front of the water kettle with an open ramen container next to it in preparation.

"It is if you're hung over," his father grumbled back. "And you were slow."

"Yeah, OK." Romeo didn't feel like discussing nutrition with his father, and as he reached into the fridge for a pack of bacon and nothing else, he didn't really feel entitled to.

There was an awkward silence between the two, making every other sound in their small kitchen reverberate even louder. The kettle's hiss was slowly drowned out by the bubbling of the water inside it, porcelain clinked as Romeo pulled a plate from a shelf and set it on the counter, to be followed by the crinkling of stiff plastic as he pulled apart the seal preserving the bacon. Each piece squelched as he pulled it off the pack and onto the plate.

"Did you want a pan?" his father asked. He may not be a culinary master, but he knew that bacon was usually cooked before it was put on a plate.

Romeo pulled open the microwave above his head, setting the plate of bacon down on the turntable. "Nope," he said, as he reached across his father to rip a paper towel off of the roll and place it on the bacon.

Macao watched his son press the microwave door shut and start pressing numbers with a series of loud beeps.

"I didn't know you could microwave bacon. Does it taste as good?"

"Nope," Romeo replied. He pressed his thumb against the "start" button and hoped that his father didn't ask more questions.

"Then why don't you just fry it like normal?"

"Effort," he replied. It was going to be a monosyllabic morning.

Macao eyed his son, who was staring at the microwave, and decided it was best not to press his grumpy child any further. He went back to staring at the water kettle, and the uneasy silence resumed.

After a few seconds that felt like hours, the water kettle finally clicked and nudged Macao and Romeo out of their stoic silence.

"Y'know," Macao said as he poured water over his breakfast, "just because there's a goalie, doesn't mean that goals don't go in."

Romeo continued to stare at the spinning plate of happiness as he pondered what his father said for a few seconds. He shifted his weight to his other leg, crossed his arms, and found that he still had no idea what that meant.

"What?" he asked. He turned to look at his father, who was picking up his cup of ramen and giving him a weird look—something between smug, as if he knew everything, and the smirk that usually follows an inappropriate pun.

"Just because you've lost the battle, doesn't mean you've lost the war," he stated in reply. Macao then left the kitchen in a very deliberate manner, leaving his son to wonder if his father was being dramatic to make his statements sound more wise than they actually were.

Romeo started at the doorway that his father left through, mentally cursing his father and his damned cryptic advice. Really? Goalies? What the hell does that mean?

The microwave dinged, and Romeo's frustration was quickly replaced with glee. He was correct to think that microwave bacon would make him feel better than he did when he got up. All that anger, frustration, and feeling defeated—

Oh. So that's what his father meant…at least with that second one. The thing about goalies didn't really make sense—what sense it did make, Romeo didn't really want to think about in relation to his Wendy—but he got the gist of it. Basically: it ain't over until she's married.

"So maybe waiting it out is a plan," he said to himself. "But maybe I'll be a little more proactive than Lucy is about it." But first, bacon. And maybe a nap.

* * *

A/N: Microwave bacon is the best.

Fairy Tail is the sole property of Hiro Mashima.


	8. Cats Give the Best Advice

***Thank you, aninsignificantother and xNightDreamerx for alerting me to my blunder! I accidentally posted Ch 8 twice...sorry .***

**A/N: **Hi all! Sorry for being slow. Here are two chapters to make up for it, though I apologize that they're mostly "character development," i.e. teenagers whining about how life is hard. The next two chapters will move the plot along a little more, promise :D

Leave me a review if you can! I'm trying to improve my writing craft, so if you like or dislike my tone, my wordiness, or if there's something else specific you'd like to comment on, please do! I will love you forever for it.

* * *

Romeo spent the rest of the morning trying to fall back asleep in his bed, on the couch, in his father's armchair—anywhere, really, but he had a hard time getting his brain to stop thinking of ways to impress Wendy away from that guy. His father eyed him nervously over his newspaper as he wandered from room to room, settling down in one spot and closing his eyes only to get up less than a minute later and try again in a different spot. Macao tried hard to think if he acted this strange as a teenager. He did not, he decided, as he at least remembered to wear a shirt most of the time. Romeo's shirtless habit was undoubtedly picked up from Natsu, but ever since his son hit fourteen, this odd habit was encouraged by throngs of giggling girls. Macao only noticed as a concerned father watching his son prance about in the dead of winter without a shirt, as if asking the world to bless him with hypothermia. But, after thinking about it, Macao wondered why his son was having girl troubles at all. Romeo's chiseled physique was almost as nice as his father's, when Macao was that age, if he did say so himself. He certainly had no problem getting girls back in his prime. Maybe his son is just socially awkward? Or, more likely, his son managed to take after Natsu's emotional incompetency, because no son of his could naturally be _that_ bad with women.

"Romeo, stop running around the house and do something productive if ya can't fall back to sleep," Macao shouted in no particular direction. There was no point in trying to direct his call anyways—it was a crap shoot trying to figure out where his son was at that particular minute. "Go for a run or something. I mean jeeze, you're makin' me sea-sick." Romeo's head appeared around the living room doorway.

"I'm trying to figure out what to do to make her realize I'm better than that guy," he said, rather indignantly. "Do you have any ideas, oh wise one?"

Macao groaned and sipped his freshly brewed cup of coffee. He could do without the cheek. His son was so hopeless, it was a little sad. "Do I look like a girl?"

"What?" Romeo wasn't really paying attention, having just had a momentary second of genius that just as quickly turned out to be a bad idea.

"Lord in heaven, son. If you're havin' girl problems, go ask to a girl how to fix 'em."

"Oh. Right." How come he didn't think of that? His father said he used to talk to his sister about a lot of things when they were little. "So…I should ask Mira or something?"

"I'd ask Levy or Lucy. They're pretty normal. Mira's advice is sometimes a little…" Macao didn't quite finish his thought, as he was trying to think of a kinder descriptor than "batshit crazy."

"Right, good point." Romeo knew exactly what his father meant. Mira sometimes had a bad habit of making things worse, and in this situation, Wendy would end up wanting to castrate him instead of date him. Or she'd end up as Mrs. That Guy. He checked the clock to see if it was still too early to go in to the guild.

* * *

Two hours and one six mile run later, Romeo strolled through the guild doors, trying for all the world not to look fidgety. He had just suffered the longest morning of his life, and all he wanted at that moment was to find a particular blonde or blunette head and command their attention for the rest of the day. Thankfully, both were in the habit of showing up early at the guild every day, though they both looked rather pissed off. Well, whatever. Only old people actually liked mornings.

"Levy! Lucy!" he shouted. The two women, who were chatting with Mira at the bar, slightly jumped at hearing their names shouted by the one individual they had just been discussing.

"Good morning, Romeo," Lucy called. "Since when are you awake this early? Are you sick?"

"Ha ha," Romeo replied, decidedly unamused. Why did Lucy have to pick up Natsu's most annoying habit? "I just happened to get up early today." He pushed himself up onto a barstool next to the girls and waited for Mira to wait on the Master at the other end of the bar. "Anyways, I need your help with something."

"Oh?" Levy asked. "Since when does the grown-up Romeo need _our _help?" She had to stretch a bit to reach the top of his head, but she was determined to ruffle the poor boy's hair. Sometimes he needed to be emasculated just a little bit, lest he grow up into a cocky asshole like his big brothers.

Romeo sighed. Maybe this was a bad idea. If this is how they were going to treat him for asking for advice and for being awake before noon, they were absolutely going to give him hell when he finally tells them what he needs help on.

"Well? What did you need?" Lucy asked. She and Levy shared a knowing look—the only topic that Romeo would ever ask for _their_ input on was girl related, which is partially why he had never come to them for help before. All other inquiries usually went straight to Natsu, regardless of how incredibly useless his advice tended to be.

It was a little ironic that they had actually just been discussing ways to get Romeo to make a move on Wendy. Levy had talked with the little teenager after the party on the way back to Fairy Hills in an attempt to figure out if that Peter kid she was dancing with was going to be "the one." Turns out that, while Peter loves her, he thinks of her like the little sister he's always wanted (apparently he has four older and very masculine brothers), among other issues. Wendy had alluded to being exceedingly peeved that the one guy she _did_ want to dance with had wandered off, but she didn't mention who exactly that was. Mira had, of course, been keeping very careful track of Wendy's dance partners—she and Cana may or may not have had bets going on which boy would win the girl's heart—and the girls' conference that morning made it very clear that Wendy had a thing for Romeo, and that he was a clueless git.

"Well, um, this is sort of awkward, but—" Romeo started.

"Is it a girl? Please let it be a girl," Lucy said.

"At least a blue-haired girl!" said Levy, giggling as she finished her statement.

Romeo blushed, somewhat dumbfounded that he had been so obvious, and gaped at the two girls instead of forming a reply.

"Oh my god, Levy! It _is_ a blue-haired girl problem!" Both girls started laughing uncontrollably, as Romeo became progressively more uncomfortable.

"Maybe I should go," he said.

The girls tamed their laughter…barely.

"Sorry," Levy said. "It's just that, well, you boys are all so amazingly hopeless. I mean, we all wondered if you liked her, since you make a point of being around her _all_ the time, but you don't _do_ anything about it, either."

"Exactly!" Lucy added. "I mean, you keep sending her mixed messages. You always want to be her partner, you spend all of your time with her, you give her these 'friendly' hugs or whatever, but that's it. She probably thinks that you just want to be friends."

Romeo sat through this barrage of "advice" feeling rather confused. Why was everyone being so unhelpful today?

"And don't you dare start avoiding her if she tries to reciprocate. All you'll do is confuse the crap out of her."

The "friendly hug" comment had confused him, as he didn't really hug anyone, least of all Wendy, but why in God's name would he start avoiding her? And why were they getting so angry?

"Um, thanks. I'll…keep that all in mind," he said. He slid off the bench and escaped while the two girls were taking a breath between rants. He sensed that there was a bit of projecting in the advice he was given. Served him right for asking two women who's romantic lives were in significantly worse shape than his own. He looked around for a place to sit down and spotted someone who's love life had turned out well.

"Hey Bisca."

"Oh, hi Romeo. How are you doing?" Yes, he would definitely get something useful out of this happily married woman. "Were Levy and Lucy being hard on you again?" she asked with a teasing twinkle in her eye.

"Yeah, a little," he said, sitting down across from her. "Um, can I ask you for some advice?"

"Sure." This was exciting. He hadn't asked her for advice ever since the Tenroujima crew came back and he started trailing after Wendy like a lost duckling.

"Well, um, I'm having some problems."

"Wendy problems?"

Romeo stared at her in amazement. Did everyone know? Was it written on his face or something?

"Uh, yeah, I guess…um…"

"Just tell her how you feel!" she interrupted. After watching him plow through missions without a smile for all those years, she and her husband had a special place in their hearts for the kid. It was so exciting that he was finally on the verge of finding his own happiness, just like they had.

"Right," Romeo replied, hesitatingly. "I think that might piss her off, actually. She sort of has someone else that she likes."

"Oh, whatever," Bisca said. "That's only because she doesn't know how you really feel about her! You two were meant to be together!"

"Even before the seven year thing?" Romeo was not one for fate.

"Of course! It happened to make things easier for the two of you!"

Yeah, sure. Bisca definitely wasn't seeing the world through a pair of thick rose-colored glasses, and her pregnancy hormones weren't making her ridiculously romantic at all.

"Yeah…thanks Bisca. I'll, uh, keep you posted." Romeo got up to remove himself from Bisca and her deluded perception of reality just as Lily flew in, ripped something off of the mission board, and slammed it down on the bar for Mira to sign. Lily wasn't a girl, but he was the most sensible member of Fairy Tail by a long shot.

Lily was stomping his way out of the guild when Romeo stood to catch up to him.

"Yo Lily, why're you so upset?"

Lily glared up at the boy. "Because my partner is a damned pussy, that's why." Romeo simply gave him a puzzled look. "And don't you dare do the same thing, or else I'll have to kick your ass too."

"What?" That sounded vaguely familiar.

"Mira told me that you've been kind of wishy-washy with a certain girl lately. I only put up with Gajeel's bullshit because I live in the same apartment with him. Don't think that I'll be as patient with you."

Romeo was a little pissed; the accusation was more than a little unmerited. If he was in Gajeel's position, he would've swept Levy off her feet years ago and they'd be happily married with a herd of children by now.

"Hey, he doesn't have competition," he huffed. "And," he added, "he's old. Don't compare me with him."

Lily's temper pushed him to change into battle form and stare the kid down. Meanwhile the rest of the guild members saw the coming altercation and, far from being surprised, they merely moved further away to ensure that their morning coffees didn't suffer any damage.

Romeo, however, was more level-headed than many of his male comrades, and after a few moments engaged in the glaring battle, he simply sighed. Getting into an argument with Lily was not what he meant to do.

"Hey, Lily, can we go beat up shit? And can you maybe help me out?"

"Sure," Lily said. He crossed his arms and looked at the dejected kid, who was staring, somewhat imploringly, straight into Lily's eyes. Damn this kid got tall. But Lily was pleased—he was always helping Gajeel relieve some pent up anger by sparring nearly every day, but Romeo was asking for a sparing partner _and _advice. It was so nice to feel needed for more than his muscles. He motioned for Romeo to follow him out to his and Gajeel's favorite sparring ground on the outskirts of the city.

"So competition, huh?" Lily asked as they walked out the guild doors and onto Magnolia's main street.

"Yeah, there's this guy from her classes that she seems to really like, which sucks because he's smart and has all the same interests as her. And the other girls say he's 'dreamy,' whatever the hell that means."

"Oh…that's rough," Lily replied.

"Kinda." Romeo sighed. "And sometimes I wonder if maybe she still thinks of me as a little kid. I mean, I was way younger than her before you all got stuck on Tenroujima. What if she imagines me as a ten year old or something?"

"Romeo, calm down. First, she's not likely to think of you as some squirt mostly because you tower over everyone at the guild lately. What exactly do you eat anyways?"

"Bisca used to make me take vitamins and told me not to drink coffee until I'm twenty-one if I want to be taller than my dad, and it's become a habit now, I guess."

"Ah, of course. Anyways, why not show her that you're not a kid anymore? Act more like a grown man, and she won't help but notice that you're not a boy anymore."

Romeo pondered for a minute. What exactly were the marks of a grown man? Chasing women? That probably wouldn't help his case—she's not the type to get jealous, especially if she already likes someone else. And she'd think he's gross. Work? He does that already, and she knows that. Taking care of children? He does babysit Asuka sometimes, but he usually looks like a hyper five year old when he plays with her.

"How?"

"That's up to you to figure out, kid."

"Right…" Romeo was at a total loss. Maybe he needed to do all of those things more than he already did? Well, minus the skirt chasing. He basically needed to find something to do that paid, like a job, involved being responsible, like taking care of kids, making him look more mature by comparison, but that was still masculine…like fighting.

"Duh!" he shouted, making Lily jump at the sudden break in the silence.

"What?"

"I know how to prove to her that I'm not a little boy, but a man!"

Lily chuckled to himself at the kid's ability to think of a solution to his problem so easily. Even more impressive was Romeo's unique ability to adopt a pleasant mood so rapidly, despite the perceived hopelessness of his situation.

And, somewhere, Elfman suddenly felt very proud.

* * *

**A/N: **Learn that lesson well, my young friends. Stimulants will make you short.

Fairy Tail is the sole property of Hiro Mashima.


	9. Death to Speakers

_Previously_: Doranbolt finally makes it to Wendy's party, but much to Makarov's dismay, he isn't there for pleasantries. Meanwhile, a heart-broken Romeo eats some bacon, gets some cryptic advice, and realizes that he hasn't missed his chance just yet!

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**WE**

Levy's head snapped up from her book. "Oh god no," she said to herself. "Not again."

**ARE NEVER, EVER, EVER**

Yes, apparently again. Levy slouched over her desk, buried her face in her hands, and let out a long, disgruntled sigh.

**GETTING BACK TOGETHER**

_I'm going to stab him_, she thought.

**NO WE-_EEE_**

_In the fucking trachea_.

**ARE NEVER, EVER, EVER**

_With a blunt, rusty spoon._

**GETTING BACK TOGETHER**

_Really, really slowly. _

It was rather impressive, actually. Not only did he manage to unintentionally upset one girl, but he also made all of Fairy Hills equally miserable.

But seriously. There was going to be death.

"Still? Really?" Lucy had just walked in to Levy's room to see her friend rolling her head along the pages of the book on her desk. Levy had complained to Lucy the day before about Wendy's, well, "themed" music playlist…that she played every day…at full volume…for two straight, painful weeks. If _this_ was the result of six weeks of that boy's "win her back" plan, he seriously needed to re-evaluate his tactics.

"You have no idea," Levy groaned into the spine of her book, her mind wavering between the cathartic planning of a brutal murder and a desire to curl into a ball and cry.

She had pulled yet another all-nighter trying to translate an incredibly old and unnecessarily complicated text and had next to nothing to show for it. Normally she loved spending hours and hours puzzling out a challenging text. Normally, however, she didn't have the Magic Council breathing down her neck.

Literally.

Nearly every day, one of their damned ninja, special forces soldiers paid her a visit. He'd more or less materialize in her bedroom, unannounced, at an incredibly inappropriate hour of the night, in thoroughly disturbing silence. She was only alerted to his presence when she felt a tiny, warm breeze ghost past the side of her neck as he looked over her shoulder to assess her progress. By the time her body froze up at the invasion of her personal space, he'd have already dropped her payment on her desk, stood back up, and be en route to her door. Levy never managed to turn around fast enough to see anything other than his back slipping through her bedroom door into the dark hallway, pulling the door shut behind him. All she really knew about him was that he was tall, had wide shoulders, and smelled very faintly of rust and sweat. Frankly she wasn't absolutely certain that he was actually male; she just assumed, and maybe hoped.

Perhaps she read too many romance novels, but she couldn't deny that these visits were incredibly titillating; few things are sexier than a tall, dark, and (potentially) handsome mystery man hovering dangerously close to her bare skin. Ridiculously creepy at first, yes, but that feeling was quickly replaced by excitement as she got more used to him. He almost made the whole ordeal worth it. Almost.

The Council, of course, made sure to squash any hope of an the upside to this mission by expecting her to work without any information. No recommendations of where to start, no hints about the subject matter, and definitely no mention of what era, what culture, or even what fucking _continent_ she was going to be working with. God forbid she know what language group she'd be translating.

All she knew was that her mission was incredibly important. At her briefing, she was simply handed an ancient book and ordered to use "the utmost celerity and furtiveness." They followed up with a warning that even small mistakes would "bring about a devastating calamity, threatening the very existence of reality." Even after she took into account the Council's proclivity to melodramatics, her orders were basically the same: work fast, work in secret, and seriously don't fuck up. No pressure, right?

Two weeks into her mission, Levy was reduced to a sleep-deprived ball of sexual frustration and stress, and she couldn't even ask her friends for support. She was now on day 26 of this mission.

Needless to say, the poor girl was well on her way to snapping. Certain teenagers and their unending drama were rapidly accelerating that process.

She tucked her notes in between the pages, closed her book, and slouched down in her chair until her head was hanging over the wooden back.

"Why do teenagers have to hate everything good in the world?" she asked.

"Because it makes annoying adults seem tolerable in comparison," Lucy replied.

Levy sighed and closed her eyes, only to feel something round and squishy snapped onto her ears. Opening her eyes, she gave Lucy a quizzical look and reached up to remove whatever was trapping her head.

Lucy giggled at her friend's confusion and donned a cheeky smirk. "Noise canceling headphones," Lucy said. "Am I the best or what?"

Levy sat up and swiveled in her chair to look up at Lucy properly. Had she been in a better mood, she would have teased Lucy for standing with her hands on her hips and grinning like their favorite human torch. Instead, she gave her friend a sad smile.

Lucy was stunned. Was Levy holding back tears? Sure, she cried, but Levy usually responded to stress with poorly-concealed rage, not self-pity. Something was clearly wrong, but so far Levy had only complained about Wendy's music selection. It was a little weird for Levy to be so completely worn out from translation requests. Maybe it was boy trouble? Or financial trouble? Regardless, if she hadn't asked for help by now, Lucy figured that asking about it would be pointless. So, she did the next best thing and channeled the most persuasive person she knew.

"You look like shit, girl." Lucy walked over to Levy, grabbed her arm and tugged her short friend out of her chair.

"Wait, but—"

"No buts! You're taking a day off!"

Lucy's tugging became more insistent, and Levy stumbled to her feet.

"No, seriously. I-I really have to finish this."

Lucy dropped her arms and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Lev-eeee, you've been working on that thing for-ev-er!"

True, Levy had been working non-stop for way too long. Perhaps a break would do her some good.

Taking the stressed girl's hesitation as a yes, Lucy grabbed a duffle bag from the floor and proceeded to dig through Levy's dresser for a change of clothes and some pajamas.

"Come on, we're going to have a girl's night," she said with a smirk, before opening the door and running down the hallway towards the bathroom.

Levy stood in the middle of her room and rubbed her arm as she weighed her options. Glancing quickly in the mirror, she was a little shocked by the image reflected back. Instead of a cutely-dressed girl with bright eyes and glowing skin, she saw a pallid individual with sunken eyes, apologetically dressed in baggy gray sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt that hung off of one shoulder. There were zombies that looked healthier.

Yes, a break would definitely be good for her, she decided. With renewed resolve, she took a deep breath and started getting dressed.

The door suddenly pushed open and Lucy rushed in holding Levy's toothbrush and a bag of varied toiletries. After shoving the items into the bag, Lucy stood up and gave her friend yet another disturbingly accurate Natsu-grin.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah!"

Levy energetically followed Lucy into the hall and was about to start questioning the blonde about guild gossip when she suddenly stopped.

"Levy?"

"Ah, I forgot something, give me one second!" she shouted as she ran back to her room.

This whole secrecy thing might be a pain in the ass, but it was hard to forget the Council's warning. Looking around her room as she closed the door, she tried to figure out the best place to hide the book. It was too big and too old-looking to blend in with her other books, and her desk was too open. She mentally reprimanded herself for letting Lily convince her to move most of her books into a Levy-section of the guild library. The extra space in her room was nice, but right now that was the exact opposite of what she needed.

Her dresser? Maybe..but then again, aren't burglars always shown going through people's sock drawers in movies?

Her hamper? No, that's weird, especially if he goes looking for it.

"Shit."

_OK_, she thought. _I've got to hide the book really well, but he's probably still going to want to check it, so I can't hide it too well. _Joy_._

She tried to keep herself from panicking and let her tired brain figure out a single solution to her dialectic problem. It felt like the answer was only hair's width away, but still out of reach.

**BUT SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GOOONE**

"MOTHER-F—Gaaah!" As if it wasn't already hard enough to think!

If she took any longer, Lucy was going to come looking for her and see her hiding a book. If that happened, Levy would be hard-pressed to come up with a believable lie to satisfy Lucy's overly-inquisitive mind.

**I'M SO MOVIN' ON, YE_AAAAH_ YEAAAH**

When she gets back, she's taking a hammer to those speakers.

How the hell was she supposed to know how he thought? He may be special forces, but what if she hid it too well and he freaked out?

Of course, if he came in and found a Levy-less room, he'd probably freak out regardless of where the book was. She'd have to leave a note or something. Having Mr. Sexy-Ninja come looking for her at 4 am probably wouldn't go over so well with Lucy. Years of guild-mates breaking into her house had given the woman the ability drop-kick intruders, without even waking up.

"OH!"

Grabbing a half-used notebook, she quickly scrawled a fake diary entry and left it open on her desk. It easily blended in amongst the books and notes strewn over the surface. Ninja-boy should be able to find it. No special forces soldier worth his salt would miss what was out of place on a desk he had looked at every night for the last month.

Satisfied with her note, she went over to her bed, pulled up the sheets, and used her script magic to write GOUGE on the edge of her mattress until she had a two-foot by two-foot cut splitting the top and bottom halves of her mattress. She took the book and wrapped it with a spare blanket, then maneuvered her shoulder and a foot into the split. Pressing her shoulder up and her foot down, she tried to push the slashed mattress far enough apart for the wrapped book to fit. Her muscles start to shake almost immediately—she didn't take into account the amount of energy she'd need to pry open the uncut springs. Mustering as much strength as she could, she pressed the mattress open again and, with a lot of finagling, eventually shoved the wrapped book halfway into her mattress. As soon as she settled back on the floor, the sides of the mattress snapped back together. The cut was invisible to anyone not looking for it.

"Levy?" Lucy called from the hallway.

As quickly as she could, Levy fixed her bed sheets, got up, and ran to find the thing that she "forgot".

Lucy was reaching for the handle of Levy's door when it suddenly opened.

"Sorry Lucy! I was having trouble finding my glasses," Levy said with as believable a smile as possible. She laughed a little, desperately trying to mask the fact that she was out of breath.

"That's fine, no rush. I was just worried that you got distracted by your work or something."

Oh right. Lucy never had to learn to be hyper-perceptive on missions. Thank God for dragon slayers.

"Ah-ha…maybe, sort of." Technically…yes.

"Levy, you are so hopeless," Lucy giggled as she started pushing her friend down the hall. "I mean, the world isn't going to end if you take a night off."

Levy nearly tripped.

"Y-yeah…"

_Or so I hope._

**TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT**

At least she was leaving before Wendy managed to ruin Beyoncé for her once and for all.

"Hey Levy?"

"Yeah?"

"Tomorrow, Erza and I were planning on stealing Wendy's speakers and killing Romeo. Wanna help?"

"Oh, absolutely."

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**A/N**: I apologize to my teenage readers if I've offended them in any way. It was just a plot device and y'know what? Adults are often much worse, though music-blasting does seem to be a defining trait of the 13-25 crowd (I'm 24 :D).

Anyways, thank you all for being patient with me. Life happened. On the upside, I now have more experience with boys being complete idiots (no offense gentlemen—again, plot device) to draw from. Hooray! Oh and I got a job. Double hooray!

Also, part of the delay has been writing-related. I've been having some trouble figuring out a writing style and a tone that will match the plot. For example, the last two chapters were a little emo compared to the earlier chapters. I really like quippy humor, but I'm worried that it doesn't quite fit the plot or that it feels forced :( I aimed for a bit more balance with this chapter, but I still can't tell if I did it well.

If you have some insight or an opinion on this or how the story is going, the flow, the tone, etc., please leave a review or send me a PM! Even if you consider yourself to be a terrible writer, your insight as a reader is just as important to me, if not more so!

Thank you all again for your continued support! I'll try to update again in the next two weeks; earlier if I get this writing style thing figured out.

_Uploaded 21 Sep 2013_

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Lyrics used came from Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," Kelly Clarkson's "Since You Been Gone," and Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable." (I considered using Miranda Lambert's "Gunpowder and Lead," but it seemed a little violent for Wendy.)

_Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail or the song lyrics used in this chapter._


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